SET PRIORITIES

You have to work hard on whatever you want or need more of in your life.  To feel better with your pain, you must make this a top priority in your life.  Not after you come home from work, after the kids are fed, the house is cleaned, and the bills are paid.  All of these things and others are important, but you need to be your own first priority.  That doesn’t mean you neglect your responsibilities or other people, it means that you change your mindset about how you approach things. 

I thought to be a good mother I always had to put my children first.  Of course, there have been times I was in bed or the hospital or just too full of pain to function adequately.  I only took care of myself when I felt too bad to move. 

When I changed my approach, and more importantly my mindset, not only did my health improve and my pain decrease but I felt good about the way I handled my job as a mother.  I didn’t wait until I was nonfunctional to find time to rest.  I paced myself.  I took steps like getting a massage before my pain was too severe to move.  There are times when my kids want my attention and I can give it — other times I explain I need to rest first or do something else to take care of myself.  When I feel better overall, I am better able to cope with their needs.  Take care of yourself first and the rest of your life will follow suit.

Exercise

1. Are you able to put yourself as a top priority every day? If not, why not?
2. What do you do or can you do to make your health and yourself a top priority?
3. In the next week, write one thing you plan to do for yourself every day:

Sunday:

Monday:

Tuesday:

Wednesday:

Thursday:

Friday:

Saturday:

BE GRATEFUL

Practice gratitude.  I start and end every day thankful for the blessings in my life.  There have been many times I have had to struggle to come up with positives to appreciate.  Did I have enough to eat?  To pay bills (or at least make payments)?  Clothes to wear?  Be thankful for anything and everything related to your life as a whole.  If your pain was better in some way, say thank you.  If it was a deplorable day, be grateful that you survived it.  Don’t ignore issues with your pain, but use time each day to appreciate what you can.  Your pain may be so intense and depressing the only positives may seem totally separate from you.  Did you view a pretty sunset?  Children laughing?  Did you enjoy a tasty treat?  A friend’s voice?  Be grateful.

I will never forget an elderly lady I visited in the nursing home.  She was very ill and had severe chronic pain.  She needed two people to help her transfer from her bed to a chair in her room, once she was in the chair she was left to sit indefinitely.  Her eyesight was rapidly declining and she was already legally blind.  She cheerfully made rugs to sell to raise money for a grandson who suffered brain damage during a violent assault.  I felt tears come to my eyes when she told me with a smile, “I am so grateful these patterns have such big holes, so I can feel where to go.”

Say thank you to your God, to the universe or write it down in a journal.  Just express your appreciation for good things.  You’ll feel better inside.  The more you practice gratitude, the more there seems to be grateful for.

Exercise

Every day, either write in a journal or say in a prayer three things you are grateful for. Do not skip a day. It only takes a few minutes and the rewards are enormous. You start looking for the positives in everything. You see benefits where you didn’t before. It transforms the cynical to the appreciative. It’s magical!

ALLOW TIME TO HEAL

One of the lessons I keep learning over and over is that healing takes time.  I have to allow myself the time to heal.  If I am tired after a treatment, I need to lie down.  I can choose to push through my fatigue, but eventually this method catches up with me and I will crash.  When I have a cold or an off day, I can choose to rest more.  I consciously have to work at healing.  I have to listen to my body and honor what it needs.  I need to rest when I am tired, eat when I am hungry, and do what my body needs to maintain and heal.  This is one of the hardest lessons for me to integrate.  In the moment I want to push myself.  For the long-term I need to give myself time to heal.

Exercise 1

We are each our own prisoner, locked up in our own story. Are you too busy to pace yourself? That’s what I used to tell myself. After all, I was a single mother with two kids, a business to run, clients to see, volunteer obligations. I didn’t think I could take a day off just for a cold or worse yet because I was tired. Guess what? I now work part-time, limit my volunteer work and I am happier than ever and, better yet, I feel so much better!

     Start with one day. What one activity can you eliminate or put off? Start small… is it not cleaning a room, saying “no” to a volunteer request, saying “no” to your kids? No matter what it is, take that time for yourself—read, sit outside, whatever, whether it’s 5 minutes or an hour, give it to yourself.

     The next day, do the same thing.  And the next day, do the same thing. Write down what you plan to eliminate this week. 

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Exercise 2

            You are mastering the art of taking care of yourself. In the previous exercise, you are eliminating or refusing to add an activity. Now, for the life changing part—under schedule.

            When you plan your day or week, give yourself lots of cushion time. It takes half an hour to drive to an appointment, give yourself 45 minutes. You can even schedule blank time! That way if there is a traffic jam, the kids have an incident that requires your attention, you are in a meeting that goes too long, you are okay. No stress, no worry.

            Use the extra time for yourself! Meditate, pray, relax. Approach life more gently at a slower pace. You’ll enjoy life more because your pain will be better.

SIMPLIFY YOUR LIFE

Simplify.  That is a hot topic lately.  There are books, magazines, and talk shows everywhere promoting us to simplify our lives and really enjoy the everyday.  There is much to be said for that.  How do we start?  Follow your own instincts.  Do not let yourself become overwhelmed with too much information.  Read what appeals to you, take what seems to apply, and put the rest aside.  Some ideas may be good down the road, but not now.  Life is a process.  Sometimes even simplifying has to be simplified.  What is causing a lot of stress for you now?  Start with priorities.  You’ll probably have to start with pieces of tasks initially.

One of the first things I started with was allowing more downtime for myself.  I tried to under-schedule myself at work and home.  I have become better and better at this and my life has become not only more manageable, but much simpler and more enjoyable.  Instead of trying to simplify ten different areas at once, start with one and give yourself all the time you need to accomplish the first area.  You’ll be amazed how this simple mind-shift will allow the rest of your life to simply fall into place.

Exercise 

 Pick one are of your life to simplify. It can be projects at work, housework at home, volunteer involvement, anywhere you feel stressed.

  What steps will you take to simplify this one area?

Once you have identified an area and decided how to simply it, defend it. If someone asks you to go against your plan, simply say “no.”  People may find it beneficial to schedule exercise or meditation, as well as play time with children or alone time by yourself with another.  You can then turn down requests for your time by saying “I’m already scheduled” and you’re being truthful.  Scheduling this way also ensures these activities happen and don’t fall through the cracks with the busyness of life.

FEEL PLEASURE NOW

Believe you are worthy of pleasure and happiness right now.  You do not have to wait for the pain to become better or go away.  Enjoy your life now.  If your pain is too severe to enjoy life the way you want to, find new ways to feel pleasure.  If you can no longer run in the park, walk or go in your wheelchair.  If you can’t write or read because of your hands or eyes, use your ears to listen.  Appreciate the simple things whenever you can.

I am often grateful I can no longer rush through life.  My pain and health have slowed me down.  I will always remember going on a field trip to the Art Museum with my youngest son’s second grade class.  I had promised to go for weeks.  I had turned in my chaperone form to the teacher and was scheduled.  That morning I had an excruciating headache.  My pain was so intense I didn’t want to go.  My son was so excited and proud I was going; I couldn’t turn back.  I enjoyed the Vatican’s exhibit on Angels.  I enjoyed eating a picnic on the grass outside with my son and his friends.  I will always treasure the special moments I had with my child that day.  I remember the beauty and the love.  I don’t remember my headache.

The world is full of beauty to be enjoyed.  I am worthy of the pleasure these blessings can bring.  Sometimes I am experiencing these moments because of my pain and not in spite of it.

Exercise

What are you doing to enjoy your life right now? Practice doing something special for yourself everyday. Choose from the list below and add our own. Write down what you will do each day, until you have incorporated it as part of your daily routine; usually this takes 21 to 30 days.

Reading a good book ___

Newspaper ___

Magazines ___

Outings ___

Movies ___

Drives ___

Going to the country ___

A favorite park ___

Out to eat ___

Pamper Yourself

Long bubble baths ___

Lighting candles ___

Playing soft music __

Burning incense ___

Visiting with friends ___

     Talking on the phone with friends ___

Eating a special treat, like chocolate or ice cream ___

Buying yourself a small present ___

     A big present ___

Getting a massage ___

     A manicure ___

     A pedicure ___

     A facial ___

Alternative therapies like

     Acupuncture ___

     Energy work ___

     CranalSacral ___

    Others: ___                                                                                                                                    

Be sure to plan each day in advance to ensure something special happens.

Monday ___

Tuesday ___

Wednesday ___

Thursday ___

Friday ___

Saturday ___

Sunday ___

By Rebecca Rengo

Traveling can be fun if you are going on vacation or to visit family. There may also be times when travel is a necessity due to a job/business or to attend a wedding or funeral. Some people love to travel and others are “homebodies”. Whatever your personal preference, your chronic pain doesn’t have to be the deciding factor. Here are 5 tips to help make your travels more enjoyable. Read the rest of this entry »

By Rebecca Rengo MA, MSW, LCSW, ACSW

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed when you live with chronic pain. Every day life can be a struggle that seems impossible to overcome. You push yourself with every ounce of energy right down to your soul, and it feels like nothing’s there. Simple activities that others take for granted can be a laborious undertaking, like sitting to watch a child or grandchild’s little league game, going grocery shopping or trying to concentrate during a meeting.

It’s especially frustrating when family, friends, even doctors and nurses tell you that you should be feeling better, you’re not trying hard enough, you’re addicted to pain pills or that you’re just a complainer. Exhausted, depressed and hurting, you just want to feel better. Read the rest of this entry »

By Rebecca Rengo, MSW

Download planner that goes along with this article.

Nationwide, 50 million people are suffering with chronic pain every day. September is National Pain Awareness month and is a great reminder to start scheduling time for good health every day. Whether you have chronic pain, care for someone with chronic pain or just want to stay as healthy as you can, the following are simple themes for each day. Read the rest of this entry »

August 2006
By Rebecca Rengo-Kocher

To live in happiness rather than chasing after it, I recommend the following 10 tips. I know this is easy to say and harder to do. I was a single mother with two children and a private practice when I incorporated these tips into my own life. I now speak to women’s groups encouraging other women to do the same. Chronic pain made me change the way I live my life, but the tips are useful and applicable for all women. Read the rest of this entry »

October 2006
By Rebecca Rengo-Kocher

You hate to see your loved one hurting. Perhaps you are wondering what you can do to help. Here are some ideas:

First, learn everything you can about your loved one’s condition(s). Understanding what is causing the pain and what can aggravate it will help you to be more compassionate. Pain is not a natural consequence of aging. If your loved one does not have a diagnosis, help them find one. Sometimes it is never clear. With an older adult, it’s important to make quality of life the first priority. Consider their age, stamina, overall health, intensity of pain and mental status; it’s frequently not worth the stress of running several tests and going to several specialists. Always believe your loved one, the pain is what they say it is, whether the cause can be found or not.

Older adults tend to wait to report pain until the intensity is unmanageable. Do not assume they don’t have pain, if they don’t mention it. Ask if they hurt periodically. Read the rest of this entry »